Hello.
First of all, I would like to apologize for the form of the website that I am using to convey my message. Unfortunately and unbeknownst* to me, GeoCities has apparently shut down recently. The little middle school boy left inside of me is crushed.
Anyways. My name is Matt Anderson. I am an attackmen at Indiana University. I would like to take this opportunity to present my case for why I believe that I am most deserving of the incredible USA Lacrosse Gloves.
America. What is America? A Country? The best place to live? Homeland of the Bald Eagle? The best folk-rock band of the 70's (See Appendix A)? I choose option 'E', which stands for Every last one of 'em. America is one of my three favorite things. Lacrosse is another of my three favorite things. Henceforth, the american lacrosse gloves which you are so graciously giving are my third favorite thing.
Next year I will be a junior at Indiana University and I have been given the chance to study abroad in London. I will be studying abroad in the Fall so that I will not miss any of the Spring lacrosse season, one merit of playing in the MCLA. Regardless, I am disappointed to miss fall ball with my teammates at IU. After some serious searching of the intraweb, I found an opportunity to play lacrosse for a club team in London so I can still get my 2010 fall ball fix. While the opportunity to continue playing lacrosse as I study abroad is one that I cannot pass up, there is one stipulation. I want to represent America (one of my three loves) as much as I can while playing lacrosse (love number 2 of 3) in London.
I am 100% sure that the gloves you are giving away (love 3) would help me achieve said goal. I would now like to take the opportunity to photographically demonstrate my love for America with a piece I have entitled, "Stars All Day, Stripes All Night 2: On the Reg."
Begin
Exhibit A
The following is a photograph of my Grandma and Grandpa with my nephew (their great grandson).
[Nephew side note: See Appendix B for why I'm an awesome uncle]
This photograph was on Facebook, and I commented something along the lines of, "I need to know where Grandpopsicles shops because that is one of the greatest shirts I have ever seen."
Exhibit B
Two-weeks after the comment that I left on Facebook mentioned in Exhibit A, I received a package in the mail. It was from my Grandpa and it had a note that said, "I found an extra."
Then this happened:
First of all, I don't even think my Grandpa has a Facebook. How he knew I wanted this shirt is beyond me. I really really think that through his and my mutual love of America, our sweet Land of Liberty made it known to him that I would love such a shirt.
Exhibit C
Some day, I hope to have a high-paying job from which, as Tracy Jordan said, "I'm gonna have so much money that my grandkids are gonna play lacrosse. Lacrosse, liz lemon." However, until that day, I'm pretty poor. BUT I recently opened a new bank account, and when given the option of which checks I wanted, the choice was clear.
Exhibit D
This is the roster picture that I was forced to be okay with.
(Source: http://www.hometeamsonline.com/teams/default.asp?u=INDIANAUNIVERSITYLACROSSE&t=c&s=lacrosse&p=profile&playerID=13185)
And this is the roster picture that I wanted.
If my coach wasn't the one who dictated playing time, I would have looked further into raising the issue of a breach of my liberties established in the Bill of Rights.
[Note: See Appendix C for last year's roster pic. It's a gem.]
Exhibit E
Rapid fire, I deserve the gloves because....
When I wash my hands, this guy gives me da soap
Little dirty, but it's what's on the inside that counts
When I'm standing there washing my hands, I'm standing on top of this guy
When I sit down on the couch, this guy hangs above me
When choosing a blanket, I love my options
[Quilt on left is courtesy of Grandmother seen in Exhibit A]
When I want a glass of water, this guy pours it out
This is where I keep my assortment of tea
I can't leave my house without putting on these guys
I can't enter my house without having this guy greet me
When I sit at my desk to watch lax videos, my feet chill on this guy
When I go into my basement, these guys keep me company
This is the page that is always open from my coffee table book
This is the first RedWhiteBlue head I ever tried to dye in middle school
Anddd the second
And this is what I decided to buy when I realized how bad I was at dying heads as well as how color blind I really am (thanks to Grandfather seen in Exhibit A).
This is the stick that I will be taking to London with me. I can only imagine how proud it would make me to have the matching gloves and truly represent the country that I love so well. I imagine my reaction to opening a package with those gloves in them would be something like the reaction seen in Appendix D. Thank you Lax Santa.
412. Your blog has kept my socks over my ankles and my soccer cleats in the closet for the year and a half that I have been reading it. I grimace at the sight of photographs of me as a lil' laxer before I found your blog. The blue adidas soccer cleats that I was playing in were good for one thing, and that one thing is nothing, so not really even a thing at all (See Appendix E for effects of blue soccer cleats). However, as can be seen in Appendix F, my act has been cleaned up significantly since discovering your blerg.
I do believe, sir, that much like the Russian police you are stern. Stern, but fair. It is for this reason that I know you will make the right decision. My only hope is that I have been able to demonstrate to you that my three true and lasting loves in life, over any heartless woman, are Lacrosse, America, and those gloves (and maybe Appendix G). Receiving these gloves would give me the chance to represent my co-first love of America while playing my co-first love of Lacrosse across the pond.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Live Long and Lacrosseper,
Matt Anderson
AKA
The Ocho
Indiana University
Great Rivers LaxCo
email:mattande@indiana.edu
Appendix A: America the Band
From Left to Right: My brother and me at an America concert (front row, nbd)
Appendix B: Why I'm an Awesome Uncle
Bought him a shirt and made him some high-top booties. Yeah, I crochet, so what?
Appendix C: Gem of a Former Roster Pic (Pre-Flowmocide)
Appendix D: Reaction Similar to Mine Upon Opening Package with Gloves
Appendix E: Effect of Blue Soccer Cleats
Appendix F: Post-412 Discovery
Appendix G: I Had a Very Calm Day Until This
*I admittedly spelled it "unbenounced" at first, but thanks to a quick googling of the word I was led to urban dictionary and found that 'unbenounced' is just "How f$#@tards try to spell unbeknownst. As in: Unbenounced to us, he was retarded the whole time."
(Source: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=unbenounced)
